Wednesday, August 6, 2008
So much has happened since I last wrote--the summer has been beautiful. One of the perks of being jobless--I can take a beach break whenever, almost!
Today it's rainy so I'm feeling more contemplative. I checked today and realized since I did the Tantric Yoga in May I've been doing two meditations for 95 days. My goal was 40 days plus, so I'm pretty happy I exceeded my goal. Maybe I'll go for 120 days. I started the Bound Lotus meditation at five minutes on each side in May--now I'm up to 15 minutes on each side. By the time I get to about 8 or 10 minutes into the second side, my feet and hands are falling asleep. But, like that girl in the TV show "Heroes" who can heal herself, it's amazing. Less than a minute after I'm out of the pose, feeling comes back into my feet and hands and everything is as if nothing happened. Is it helping me? I hope so. Bound Lotus is supposed to be very healing. When I get my blood pressure taken, it's always very good (nurses always seem surprised by it). The Tratakum, or gazing meditation, has been interesting. My mind still wanders, but my gaze is much more relaxed and steady. Sometimes I honestly see the face in the photograph (Yogi Bhajan's) seem to smile at me, as if to express something about some thought I'm having. Yes, I know. The mind can play tricks, and the eyes can too. But it's interesting, as if my subconscious is talking to me. I also added a prosperity meditation, which I've been doing for probably at least 40 days--I didn't write down when I began it.
I had a birthday in July. Nothing special but I did get a call from my daughter and she sang a little birthday song for me! That was a treat. I remember my parents always, always called me on my birthday and sang "Happy Birthday" to me. One on each extension, my father croaking out the tune as best he could. I would "suffer" through, embarrassed, but now I remember it as being so sweet. A tradition. I loved them and I miss them so much. I sure hope there is an afterlife and I can see them again.
I visited my brother in the Berkshires recently and also saw my ex-mother-in-law in the nursing home where she is staying now. She is losing it, mentally, but in many ways she's still the same. Chipper and smiling and praising her favorite great-grandchild. (Her favorite person, really.) I was glad to see her. I have missed her too.
Visited my parents' grave and brought them some flowers for a change. Who knows how long they'll last, although they are a hardy variety. Lately all I want to do is cry, and yet I see the beauty in this earth and the joy of the little things. The saying on my teabag this morning was "a smile is a great achievement." Or something like that.